what is this i don’t even

Hi kids!

Today we’ll try to talk about the things that depress me, but in a funny sort of way that won’t depress you, too, because What’s our motto? That’s right- Internet is for Escapism! This is why I won’t be talking about the really depressing things in our world, like genocide and Glenn Beck.

1. Reality TV for weight-loss 

These shows probably have to be the most depressing things that ever existed. Not only do they take people who are not only insane enough to go on reality TV, but also hate their bodies enough to lose weight, TV-style. These programs usually include, then, very miserable and mentally brittle competitors, competing over something they ultimately don’t really control. And their hosts and trainers are scum. If you can yell at someone who is already broken, panting, and on all forms that they’ve giving up and need to try harder, I certainly have no other word for you. In one of the programs I’ve watched, this happened to be a teenage girl’s dad. Because teenagers are mentally unbreakable.

2. Cheap opera for children

I like opera. Probably a little more than is popular, this day and age. I’ve liked it since I was very little. I’m not an expert, or know all that much about it, but my very favorite opera happens to be The Magic Flute, by that Mozart guy. He was neat.

mozart l opera rock pictures
This love for his last opera mainly means that I look for just about any production of it I can watch, especially in Hebrew. There is a nice translation of it, and listening to it done properly, is actually very nice. This is where cheap and weird knockoffs come into play. I’ve seen three productions of The Magic Flute that were aimed at children, and it’s usually very interesting to see what is cut and what stays. One, however, made me laugh and cry like a bipolar Glenn Beck (I swear no more Beck jokes).

It had little badly-written connection scenes, because the writer has cut off from the plot, well, more or less the entire plot. Characters got the axe like a soap opera on cuts. Instead of a full, 10 or 15-instrumenmt orchestra, they had a piano. A badly-played piano. The post-production added visual effects straight from Windows Movie Maker. The singers were all from the Israeli Opera, and while actually very good, looked like death would be a sweet, sweet release. I stopped halfway through, and died a little inside.

3. Previews for Israeli comedy shows

It is a universal truth that 90% of Israeli TV comedy done in the past decade is shit. Do not contradict me, for I am an expert in comedy. I know this not because I watched 90% of Israeli TV comedy of the past decade (I’ve stopped watching Israeli TV at least four years ago), but because I’ve seen previews. And oh boy, do they know how to make me not want to watch their program ever in my life.

Therefore, dear preview editors, I’d appreciate it if you at least tried to do things like: Make sure the jokes are funny, not have a shot from a blackface scene (Israel is a bit late about these kind of memos), not have all your jokes involving women be incredibly sexist, and for the love of god, make sure the jokes are funny. I’m not completely sure why this is so hard, but social issues aside, it really does seem that we, as a country, have obviously lost our sense of humor. These are some successful shows I’m talking about, and I haven’t chuckled at a preview in years. Clearly, we need a kick up our comedic asses.

These are things that depress me. I am a sensitive soul, and 150 years ago, would have been described as ‘of a melancholic disposition’, which, yeah, is about right. Off to get emo to Brecht.